The thoughts we don't really talk about when you try to describe your pain

August 24, 2026|Dorothée Dinne| Time to read: 2 min

There's a moment most women know well.

We're sitting across from a doctor, when they ask you to describe your pain or to rate iton a scale of one to ten. This is where we can start spiraling. At least I do.

Am I exaggerating? What if I come across as hysterical? Can I even explain what this feels like? I don't know if I can trust my own body, my brain. Maybe I'm just weak? I've had worse days, I can't describe my pain as a 8. The pain is everywhere and nowhere specific. Where do I even start? Nothing makes sense...

That internal negotiation, that constant second-guessing of your own experience, is quite exhausting and probably doesn't help to be taken seriously.

Because when you spend so much energy questioning whether your pain is valid or worth mentioning, you end up shrinking the story you tell. You might even leave things out. You might downplay. You walk out of consultations sometimes quite frustrated less at the health professional but at yourself.

Learning to trust yourself is one part of getting better.

It sounds simple, isn't it? Nope. it is not. Especially when you've been dismissed before.

But it shouldn't be considered as a personal failing. That's what happens when pain, especially women's pain, is systematically undertreated, underbelieved.

One of the personal input I wanted to be integrated in Fâmme, is to built this entire network around the premise: since you're struggling convincing yourself, you should never have to convince someone that what you feel is real. The professionals in the community are there to listen first, believe first, and figure out the rest from there.

It's definitely not a promise of some miracle solutions with some one-size-fits-all answers. But just the basics: people who take you seriously.

And I don't thinks this is a small thing. I think, for a lot of women, it's everything.

Photo Credit : Victor - Unsplash

💡

This information is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for specific health concerns, especially if symptoms are severe, sudden, or accompanied by fever/heavy bleeding.

Our commitment

Dorothée Dinne

Founder @ Fâmme

Founder of Fâmme and your friendly tech nerd turned women's health advocate. I've spent 15+ years as a product designer and art director, but my biggest breakthrough came from my own 30-year journey with medical dismissal and pain. Now I'm building Fâmme, a curated ecosystem connecting women to trustworthy health professionals and real support. Mother and Belgium-based believer that technology should serve empathy, not replace it.

Feel free to connect with me

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Professionals who could help you

These Fâmme professionals support the topics covered in this article.

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About

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Speaks

French

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Wellbeing

Areas of practice

Endometriosis & adenomyosis Fertility issues Menopause Perimenopause

Supports

Emotional support

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Ashley Pescod

Osteopath MSc D.O

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Speaks

French · English

Type

Healthcare

Areas of practice

Endometriosis & adenomyosis Chronic Pelvic Pain Postpartum Health Perinatal Health Pelvic floor dysfunction Pelvic Floor Tension Vulvodynia & Vaginismus Fertility Issues & ART

Supports

Painful intercourse Pelvic pain Abdominal cramps Joint Pain Bloating Difficulty conceiving Pelvic Floor Tension Urinary Leaks Painful Periods Lower Back Pain Pelvic Heaviness

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Speaks

French

Type

Wellbeing

Areas of practice

PCOS Endometriosis & adenomyosis PMDD PMS Emotional support Menopause Perimenopause

Supports

Pelvic pain Abdominal cramps Heavy Periods Anxiety Fatigue Bloating Mood Swings Sleep Issues

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Camille Lycke

Pelvic floor physiotherapist

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About

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Speaks

French · English

Type

Healthcare

Areas of practice

Endometriosis & adenomyosis Menopause Vulvodynia & Vaginismus Chronic Pelvic Pain Perinatal Health Pelvic floor dysfunction Pelvic Floor Tension Recurrent UTIs

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Pelvic pain Painful Periods Bloating Abdominal cramps Vaginal discomfort Painful intercourse Pelvic Floor Tension Urinary Leaks Muscle Weakness & Loss Pelvic Heaviness

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Psychological support

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French · English

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Healthcare

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Endometriosis & adenomyosis PCOS PMDD Menopause Perimenopause Sexual difficulties Fertility issues

Supports

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Caroline Chisogne

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French · English

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Healthcare

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Endometriosis & adenomyosis PCOS Perimenopause Menopause PMS Perinatal Health Pelvic floor dysfunction Urinary Incontinence & Leaks

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1180 Uccle

Endometriosis & adenomyosis

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Speaks

French · English

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Healthcare

Areas of practice

PCOS Endometriosis & adenomyosis Menopause Perimenopause

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Sophrologist

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Endometriosis & adenomyosis

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Speaks

French

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Wellbeing

Areas of practice

PCOS Endometriosis & adenomyosis PMDD

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Abdominal cramps Pelvic pain Anxiety Sleep Issues Fatigue Mood Swings

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Endometriosis & adenomyosis

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Speaks

French

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Healthcare

Areas of practice

Sexual difficulties Endometriosis & adenomyosis PMDD PCOS Perimenopause Menopause PTSD & Trauma

Supports

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PMS (Premenstrual Syndrom)

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French · Dutch · English

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Healthcare

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Women well-being

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French

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Wellbeing

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Speaks

French · English

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Healthcare

Areas of practice

Endometriosis & adenomyosis Chronic Pelvic Pain

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Pelvic pain Painful Periods Lower Back Pain Bloating Abdominal cramps Joint Pain Fatigue

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Valentine Verheye

Functional Naturopath

1380 Lasne

Women well-being

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Speaks

French

Type

Wellbeing

Areas of practice

Endometriosis & adenomyosis PCOS PMDD Menopause Perimenopause Fertility issues

Supports

Hot Flashes Pelvic pain Abdominal cramps Heavy Periods Skin concerns Mood Swings Sleep Issues Fatigue Bloating

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Véra Larock

Kinesiologist

1060 Saint-Gilles, 1180 Uccle

PTSD & Trauma

About

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Speaks

French · English · Spanish

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Wellbeing

Areas of practice

Endometriosis & adenomyosis PCOS Perimenopause Menopause Recurrent UTIs Anxiety Disorders PTSD & Trauma Inflammatory conditions

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Pelvic Floor Tension Pelvic pain Absent Periods Lower Back Pain Bloating Hot Flashes Anxiety Depressive Symptoms Difficulty conceiving Sleep Issues Emotional Dysregulation Brain Fog Fatigue Joint Pain Skin concerns

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Frequently asked questions

Research consistently shows that women's pain is more likely to be labelled as "emotional" or "psychosomatic" rather than taken seriously. Let's take a mix of historical bias, underrepresentation of women in medical research, and unconscious assumptions. All of this to create he following result: women can wait longer for diagnoses and are less likely to receive adequate pain treatment. So yup, it's not in your head. It's a systemic problem.
Source

In a nutshell, multidisciplinary care means being supported by several types of professionals working together rather than in silos. Take for example hbeing supported by a gynaecologist, a physiotherapist, a psychologist and a nutritionist, depending on what you need. Endometriosis or PMOS are complex conditions and they might affect multiple systems at once. It means that a single specialist rarely can support you in all the spectrum of your pain. Collaborative care can lead to better outcomes and, at the end, makes women feel less alone in navigating the system.
Source

A few signals: they don't interrupt you when you talk, don't roll their eyes (yup happened to me) they don't minimise what you say, they ask follow-up questions, and they're honest when something is outside their expertise rather than brushing it off. You should leave a consultation feeling clearer, not more confused or ashamed.

Well you shouldn't but when your experience has been dismissed repeatedly, your brain starts internalising that doubt. "Am I exaggerating?" is one of the long list of thoughts women report during a medical appointments. It's a response to being gaslit by so many professionals for so long. It's something we need to learn to overcome
Source

This is one of the reason why Fâmme was built. The network brings together medical, paramedical, and wellness professionals who are specifically committed to listening, believing, and collaborating. We don't offer any miracles but we think that a good care starts from being taken seriously.
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